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Leave Before You Die | Physical Abuse

by The Radically Adorkable Sarah
Physical Abuse

I walked into my boyfriends’ house at 15 years old. He was laying in bed with another girl. It didn’t even phase me, that should tell you how deep I was in the relationship with him. Physical abuse was not on my radar with him, because I believed he would never hit me. That’s where I was wrong.

I saw his pack of cigarettes on the night-stand and grabbed one for myself, waiting for him to wake up.  I had been with him for 9 months at this point. He was the love of my life, or so I told myself over and over again. I wanted the fairytale I had envisioned for us. 

I’m laying down on the couch in the garage, and “he” walks in and starts yelling at me immediately. “What the Fuck are you doing here?”

I got this pit in my stomach, he never acted like this when I first came over. Then I started to think about the girl in his bed. I knew better, but I confronted him on the situation. I called him a cheater. What I called him next though, is what sent him over the edge. 

“You are a pussy, real men don’t cheat.” 

What happened next was a blur, but it was so clear at the same time. I remember him yelling “No one calls me a pussy.”  I saw his hand coming towards my face, I didn’t want to believe it. His open hand struck my left ear hard enough forcing air into my eardrum rupturing it. All I could hear was ringing, and the next thing I knew I was falling down.

My back hit something hard on the way down. I still am processing what is happening.  As I am staring at the ground my brain transfers to fight or flight. I chose to fight. I ball my fist up and I hit him where the sun doesn’t shine. Guess what?

THIS JUST PISSED HIM OFF. 

Physical Abuse; Love Shouldn't Hurt Painted on the back of a girl

Next thing I know he is pulling me up off the ground by grabbing a handful of hair. His hands then wrap tightly around my neck I am fighting to get free, clawing at his hands. The hate in his eyes are forever burned into my brain to this day. 

The girl that was laying in bed with him upon my arrival is probably the only reason I am alive today, even if her words tore through me like a Knife. She pleaded with him saying “She is not worth going to jail over.”

When I was 15 Years Old I was in Love. Or so I thought.

I thank my father every day for drilling into my head that physical abuse or when a man hits a women that has to be it. The relationship has to be over at that point. If not for that being drilled into my head I probably would have forgiven him and got back together with him.

Any Relationship is Better than No Relationship at All. This is said over and over again. This is just not true.

He tried multiple times to get back with me, but I held my ground. I stayed strong. I chose to be alive.

Face Down | Red Jumpsuit Apparatus

Music is the key to getting through life. At least it is my key to getting through life. Have a bad experience and find a song you can relate to. The song below is about physical abuse.

Please if you are in an abusive relationship, reach out, and get help! I promise you are worth it.

Related: Know You are More Than Enough

The Radically Adorkable Sarah

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10 comments

Liz October 17, 2019 - 4:34 pm

I’m so sorry you had to go through this. You’re incredibly brave for standing up for yourself and now speaking about your experience to help others. Don’t change anything about this post – it’s raw and it comes from the heart 🧡xx

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The Radically Adorkable Sarah October 17, 2019 - 5:03 pm

The hardest part sadly was not standing up for myself, but not getting back together with him. It’s been a little over 10 years and I am thankful I was strong enough not to get back with him! ❤️

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Chasing our Financial Freedom October 17, 2019 - 4:52 pm

This must have been hard to write down. I’m sorry you went through this. Music is indeed good therapy, and animals. I went through emotional abuse and I found my peace when I bought a pet. It’s what saved me from therapy.

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The Radically Adorkable Sarah October 17, 2019 - 5:13 pm

Emotional abuse I feel is almost so much harder to get through because you don’t even realize it is happening until it is too late. Therapy is an amazing tool to process everything that has happened to you. I am so glad that you were able to find peace from your situation with help from a pet.

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Candida Reece, Written by Dida October 17, 2019 - 7:22 pm

Thank you for being brave enough to share your story publicly. I’m sorry you had to experience this. I, too, credit my father (partially) for why I was able to walk away with the first physical abuse, too. He is the biological father of my youngest but is not in our lives at all. I won’t put her at risk by allowing that. I’d like to link to your story from the domestic violence section of my site, if you don’t have any objections.

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The Radically Adorkable Sarah October 17, 2019 - 10:02 pm

I have no objections! I’m glad you were able to get out of your situation as well ❤️

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Diana October 17, 2019 - 7:29 pm

Thank goodness you were strong enough to get out of that terrible relationship when you did, because it could have turned out so much worse if you had not. You have were very brave! Thanks for sharing!

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Sandra Joseph October 17, 2019 - 9:56 pm

Many girls/women allow this situation to played out over and over. Your story is rare! I’m happy that even at a young age, your father’s word had such an impact on you! I saw my mom getting into physical altercations when I was younger and I promsied myself I would never tolerate that. I look for the signs and red flags and move on quickly as you did.

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The Radically Adorkable Sarah October 17, 2019 - 10:03 pm

As weird as this might sound I’m thankful that what happened to me did happen because I learned what to look out for ❤️

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Zandra Castillo October 18, 2019 - 3:45 pm

I love this post. I am sorry you had to go through this. I know this post will definitely help other young women who are experiencing the same things. They need to get out before it is too late.

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