I walked into my boyfriends’ house at 15 years old. He was laying in bed with another girl. It didn’t even phase me, that should tell you how deep I was in the relationship with him. Physical abuse was not on my radar with him, because I believed he would never hit me. That’s where I was wrong.
I saw his pack of cigarettes on the night-stand and grabbed one for myself, waiting for him to wake up. I had been with him for 9 months at this point. He was the love of my life, or so I told myself over and over again. I wanted the fairytale I had envisioned for us.
I’m laying down on the couch in the garage, and “he” walks in and starts yelling at me immediately. “What the Fuck are you doing here?”
I got this pit in my stomach, he never acted like this when I first came over. Then I started to think about the girl in his bed. I knew better, but I confronted him on the situation. I called him a cheater. What I called him next though, is what sent him over the edge.
“You are a pussy, real men don’t cheat.”
What happened next was a blur, but it was so clear at the same time. I remember him yelling “No one calls me a pussy.” I saw his hand coming towards my face, I didn’t want to believe it. His open hand struck my left ear hard enough forcing air into my eardrum rupturing it. All I could hear was ringing, and the next thing I knew I was falling down.
My back hit something hard on the way down. I still am processing what is happening. As I am staring at the ground my brain transfers to fight or flight. I chose to fight. I ball my fist up and I hit him where the sun doesn’t shine. Guess what?
THIS JUST PISSED HIM OFF.
Next thing I know he is pulling me up off the ground by grabbing a handful of hair. His hands then wrap tightly around my neck I am fighting to get free, clawing at his hands. The hate in his eyes are forever burned into my brain to this day.
The girl that was laying in bed with him upon my arrival is probably the only reason I am alive today, even if her words tore through me like a Knife. She pleaded with him saying “She is not worth going to jail over.”
When I was 15 Years Old I was in Love. Or so I thought.
I thank my father every day for drilling into my head that physical abuse or when a man hits a women that has to be it. The relationship has to be over at that point. If not for that being drilled into my head I probably would have forgiven him and got back together with him.
Any Relationship is Better than No Relationship at All. This is said over and over again. This is just not true.
He tried multiple times to get back with me, but I held my ground. I stayed strong. I chose to be alive.
Face Down | Red Jumpsuit Apparatus
Music is the key to getting through life. At least it is my key to getting through life. Have a bad experience and find a song you can relate to. The song below is about physical abuse.
Please if you are in an abusive relationship, reach out, and get help! I promise you are worth it.
Related: Know You are More Than Enough
♥ The Radically Adorkable Sarah